The Lesson I Wish My Father Taught Me

*****Please check out Phenomenal Paris' "No F*ckin Just Lovin" Her perspective really gives context to this piece.*****

I mistreated her like she was a ho;

she deserved much better like she wanted,

but she just didn’t know how to secure it.

And me being man-whorish then,

I took advantage of her thinking:

Being willing to bend is how to get it.

So I mistreated her like a ho.

She thought I’d be a good man.

I asked her, “How could you know?

We might’ve spent ten hours total

since the day that we met,

and half of that was spent engaging in sex?”

She said, “You’re smart. You look good,

and you know how to fuck,” matter-of-factly

like that was enough to judge a brotha,

start a future with brotha,

make a brotha her man,

and that’s some shit I just could not understand.

So I took stock of myself and didn’t like what I found.

I reconsidered all this fucking around that I’d been doing;

not considering how screwing and some quality time

has the potential to mess with their minds.

 

So I thought I’d found the answer –

we should be up front.

From the jump, I’ll let’ em know what I want

and that way they have the option

of going along to get along,

but that answer proved wrong.

I didn’t treat this other one like a ho.

I treated her like a friend with benefits.

Said I didn’t intend to be anymore than that in the end.

She agreed then flipped and tried to make me her man.

Now just because I hit it raw

(she) thought that I wanted more.

I had to sit her down to settle the score,

and she explained how feeling skin instead of rubber

meant I loved her in her mind

in light of all the quality time we had together.

So if I seeded her, it was whatever.

Must’ve meant I wanted her forever.

Those ties I had to sever;

put two and two together and learn

that their emotions are always concerned.

This pattern got repeated far too many times.

Forget her words – it’s her heart not her mind running things

when her feelings start to get involved,

and any rules y’all agreed to will just dissolve.

Now there is always an exception to every rule,

but by and large a woman wants a man

and you’re a fool if you think having sex and hanging out all the time

doesn’t make you a mate candidate in her mind.

I was blind.

I couldn’t see that truth.

Young, dumb and full of cum

like every other black male youth I grew up with.

There’s more than you bargained for.

If they give even a little, believe they want more.

They wanna to be loved.

-HymnAgen

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