Limbo

Limbo

I know purgatory well.
For I have dwelled

between Heaven and Hell
far too long.

Pretended nothing at all was wrong.

Passionlessly treaded along

between happy and unhappy… 

Stuck in the morass

of my complacence –

like being too at home
living in yo momma's basement 
Yes, I know purgatory very well, indeed.

-HymnAgen

Black Widow

Let Go

(Visual art by @bktheartist)

Let Go.

Lay your head
upon my chest
and rest,
my Luv.
For I am certain...
when you place
your defensive walls
and burdens
atop my heaving sternum,
you'll find peace.
Allow this rhythmic pulse
to lull your soul to sleep.

-HymnAgen

Overcoming

Overcoming

I was trained to swallow my pain 

instead of my pride. 

To hide any hurt I have ever felt inside.

Be nonchalant whenever I have

been denied the things I want,

and have this air of "I don't even care" 

around me.

The pen has helped me deal 

with what I feel and been a valve

to vent the pressures I've concealed

within and soothe my wounds like salve...

But I found a better medicine

the day I chose to let her in

and close the gash that bled within

for nearly 30 years.

I feel better than I've ever been. 

A post traumatic veteran 

relearning it's ok for me to share.

-HymnAgen

Not Like That, Like This

Not Like That, Like This

I don't want you 
to need me like self-love,
or food, clothing and shelter.
Like breath or blood.
I want you to need me like purpose.
Like goals.
Like those energies that feed your soul.
Like quiet times and good music 
that soothes your mind.
I want you to need me 
like favor from the divine.
I want you to need me
like I make life worth living.
-HymnAgen

Healing Feelings

I am caught in my reflection 
on the portals of your eyes
where I dive headfirst and float
weightlessly inside 
the vastness that is 
your loving soul.
I will explore behind the massive doors
that were once closed to me
supposedly to keep new pain
from feeding older injuries
and past traumas,
just to bathe
in the good feeling of your healing.
Praying I might find some of my own.
.
-HymnAgen

Only So Close

She still shuts me out.
It's just a reflex.
Her heart wants to reach out
and spill her secrets into mine, 
but she's not found 
at any time
a single man
who doesn't choose
when he's in pain
to turn and use
her words against her.
It'd be naive for me to think 
I could convince her
otherwise.
Yet, 
to my surprise,
I find 
I try.

-HymnAgen

Changes

Changes

How did this rope
wear down to a thread,
eagerness devolve
to this apathy?
And when did the things
I have since come to dread
stop being the things
I sought happily? 
-HymnAgen 

Sign Language

Sign Language

Let's engage in
conversation -
nonverbal communication.
Romantic glances.
Charming smiles.
Inside jokes
and suspicious grins.
Petting under dinner tables.
Braille reading
of goose bumped skin.
Tell me
how much you want me
without words.
-HymnAgen 

Candlelight

Candlelight 

Candles glow
casting shadows
animalistic
in nature.
Pornographic
wallpaper. 
-HymnAgen

Misty Memories

Misty Memories

Life seems to lumber along
like dissonant notes
in slow songs
of drunken cinematic sailors.
Stumbling their steps
through the dark
everything is a blur,
a fog of memories of her
colliding like worlds in the harsh
vacuum of your heart -
where the thought of her
still brings pain
and only drink numbs
what hearing her name
does to the flood
of emotions your brain
drowns in under these
misty memories.

-HymnAgen

Write About Her

Write about her

What if she were to read
a million words
on the specific subject of
her?
What if she were to read
a thousand lines
that explained the one constant 
on your mind is 
her?
What if she were to read
one hundred stanzas
on all the little ways 
you want to romance
her?
What if she were to read
ten poems
that made her feel the deepest
love you've ever known is
hers?
What if she could read
that one book
of ten poems
of one hundred stanzas,
a thousand lines
and millions of words
that simply say, "I Luv U?"
What if you were
to write about her?
-HymnAgen

The Lost Ones

The Lost Ones

There is a place

between Heaven and Hell

where some human hearts dwell,

where neither anger nor joy is felt.

There is no passion.

There is no neglect or interaction.

You don’t know where you stand

because you’re always on shifting sand.

You’re neither sure footed nor collapsing

under the weight of your own thoughts.

You’re just trapped.

Seemingly caught

in a net of your own making.

You just want to feel –

to know the hopes

your parents sold you are real

and attainable, and not just fables

and fairy tales.

You don’t know hatred or love.

You just know numbness

as if you’d been drugged

with a powerful anesthesia.

You are the walking dead

lost inside your own empty heart and head

wondering why you ever said,

“I do.”

-HymnAgen

Sometimes

Sometimes,
I don't want to be strong.
Sometimes,
I rather rest than press on.
Sometimes,
I need to get in my feelings.
Sometimes,
I recognize I need healing.
Sometimes, I feel I couldn't

decompress  with my head
against your bosom,
because false male expectations
say I shouldn't
let your loving caress of my crown
open my floodgates of release,
but I'd drown
in the depths of my grief
if I didn't have you
to hold me down,
sometimes.

-HymnAgen

Make Up Sex

(Visual art by @bktheartist)

Make Up Sex

She enjoys the drama -
insecurities demanding
reassurance he still wants her.
In its wake he lies awake -
heart and mind in a debate:
What about this doesn't scream,
"I just sold out?" 

-HymnAgen

Caresses

Caresses

Amazing how just a touch
can say so much.

The cupping of a nape.

The brushing of a brow. 

The sweeping of a cheek.

A tongueless kiss 

at the corner of the lips.

Let me show you

and you will know

without hearing the words. 

-HymnAgen