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Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Gay Marriage Debate

Usually, I'm a live and let live kind of guy. What you or I do in the privacy of our respective homes is nobody's business. I don't just agree with a "don't ask / don't tell" policy, I practice it. I've never felt the need to make casual acquaintances aware of my sexual gender preference and have never asked anyone about theirs. Have I made assumptions about other's preferences? Sure, I have, but let me add this: I find overly conspicuous displays of machismo as off-putting as the flamboyant behavior of some (I'm sure a minority of) gay men and "thuggish" conduct of a few lesbians who've crossed my path. In general, I just don't care for "extra" folks. You can add to the three types I just described, prissy and high saditty women, hyper-competitive men and snobs of either gender. I just don't like "extra!" I fail to see what exaggerated finger snaps and runway walking have to do with men preferring other men as life partners. But let me move on to the focus of this blog.

I am not one who believes homosexuality is a normal human tendency. This next statement will offend some of you, and I regret that, but I must be honest about my thoughts on this subject. While I accept that there may be differences in gay/lesbian brain structure and that many gays/lesbians are born gay/lesbian, I do not accept that being born a certain way makes it right or normal. People are born with extra digits, missing limbs, as Siamese twins and a host of other conditions all the time, but that doesn't make these conditions right or normal either. That said, I also believe in treating people fairly and that discriminating against folks because of their differences is wrong. So, in my mind it is wrong to deny gay/lesbian life partners all the legal rights and privileges afforded straight, married couples. I do draw the line at recognizing their unions as marriages.

I see the gay/lesbian battle for fair treatment as a noble cause. No, I'm not ready to run out and actively support that movement, but I will not oppose it either. Personally, I think the biggest blemish on this country's legacy is its reluctance to treat all its citizens fairly. However, if fairness was the only factor being considered, I would not be writing this piece. After listening to some interviews of gay marriage proponents, I've come to see that some elements within their movement have goals that go beyond securing equal access to presently denied rights and privileges. For some this is an ideological battle as well. To paraphrase one interviewee who, if I recall correctly, was an editor for the Washington Blade: Language is important in the United States; civil unions may be acceptable for gays in Europe where the word marriage doesn't carry as much weight, but here, we want our unions defined as marriages. That individual wants to impose his way of thinking on the entire U.S. population. I have a serious problem with that. White supremacists believe they are superior to blacks. They have a right to think and feel that way. They don't have the right to make me adopt that belief.

Human beings exist in two complementary forms - male and female. Occasionally there are hermaphrodites, but this is an aberration. Now, some would have us believe the only differences between men and women are breasts, penises and vaginas. This is an intentionally, overly simplistic argument tailored to fit an agenda. If there are no real differences between men and women, the word "marriage" can be applied to a union between any two people regardless of the gender pairing, but men and women are different in many important ways. Evolutionary biology has taken advantage of those differences to ensure the survival of our species for many millennia. Male-female pairing simply works; our very existence is evidence of this truth. That pairing has come to be known as marriage. The parties in the marriage are husband and wife and these labels are gender specific. So while I can support a gay/lesbian struggle for fair treatment under this country's laws, I cannot support the struggle for gay/lesbian "marriage." Chew on that...

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