Prepared

Generational Damage

Due to old racists,

I was raised to present many faces

to the world –

each one appropriate

for the times

and places.

Told I was only allowed to be myself

inside of safe spaces

because it might hinder my progress to be honest

about who I am.

Not that they don’t immediately see

in front of their eyes another black man.

No,

the goal was to have me be perceived

as different;

not like the rest

of these angry street gorillas

beating on our chests.

The propagandized King Kongs

with our giant ding dongs

out to ring the bells of their

precious

fair belles…

False narratives culminating in the demise of

Emmett Till.

You see,

they believed putting the average American at ease

was key

to a black male’s survival,

having lived through the times

when we were strung up from trees

and hunted down in the streets

by mobs with rifles!

Images seared

in the collective memory of themselves

and their peers.

Bygone,

but legitimate fears

they thought wise to instill in their children.

With me,

they didn’t understand what they were building –

an often cold

disconnected soul.

Fragments of a man

self-taught at appearing whole.

Even those who’ve known me the longest,

whose love for me is the strongest

have never held all the pieces

to my puzzle.

-HymnAgen

Taste

By Association

Would you entrust to me
the key to your defenses
when that which lies divided inside
its confines aches unmended?
Will I not be faced with
ridicule and scorn
for embodying a form
the same as those
who hurt and broke you?
-HymnAgen

Towards the Light

I choose to walk
towards the light,
so that shadowy figure
and my dark side unite.
They bite at my heels
in the hope I will feel
some cold feet,
lose my will and backslide
in retreat.
-HymnAgen

Least Concern

I am the kind
who desires
her heart
and her mind.
Yet, she'll yield
little more
than the bodily,
and oddly enough,
although I yearn
for her touch,
it's my least concern
when she's
apart from me.
-HymnAgen

Love's Spokesman

I did not want to lust for you...
spontaneously combust when you touch me.
Burn in this desire and be consumed.
You are the flame that sucks all the air
from my room
leaving me gasping for mouth to mouth.
Resuscitate me - should I pass out -
with your magical, fairy tale kisses
until my heart leaps like a frog
becoming a prince once again,
as in the myths of men
who wrote them...
whose words wove tales of undying love.
I aspire to be their spokesman.
-HymnAgen

Father's Day

Each Father's Day
I remember what I lost,
and what it cost.
How much damage
to my soul has since
been wrought.
Yet, I've become
a better man.
I hope he sees
and understands
the things we've
been through
in our lives
was not for naught.
-HymnAgen

It's Just Fear

Sometimes we allow
no one to get near;
call it self-respect
when it's really just fear.
Fear of getting hurt again.
Fear of being played.
Fear of having
our trust betrayed...
-HymnAgen

Heart and Mind

There is constant dialogue
between my heart and mind.
It is never a one-way conversation.
Most times my heart defers to my mind,
but my mind is humble enough
to let my heart lead on occasion.
-HymnAgen

Abandoned

Abandoned
...and suddenly,
there was a chill.
Warmth retreated quickly
in the overcast,
leaving that cold uneasiness
in my pit...
the bitter, familiar flavor
of solitude.
An ignored howl.
An unheard whimper.
An unloved silence. 
-HymnAgen